It’s times like these that are bonding, cherished, shared, educational and forever remembered. Ensure these times are always around. Make a goal to cook or bake with loved ones… weather it be friends or family. Learn from one another, laugh with one another and most importantly… enjoy the time with one another and bond.

Make a goal as a family to have home sit down meals, without television, phones or any other interruptions. Start with two meals a week. Ask about each others day? Share memories of when ones day reminds you of a past day. Over time you may notice the relationship strengthen.

Take time for family as well as friends. You may realize just how great these relationships can be and are.

Creating affirmations

Affirmations are those things in our head that we tell ourselves and they in turn become our realities. Often times what we tell ourselves are negative things. Spend the next several days “watching” your thoughts and what you tell yourself. Then create affirmations that are the opposite. For example, if you tell yourself that you will never be good enough, create an affirmation that says “I am perfect just the way I am.” If you tell yourself that you are boring, start telling yourself, “I am fun and charismatic!” It only takes 17 seconds for a thought to become your reality. Once you begin telling yourself positive affirmations over and over again all day long it will soon become your reality. You create a new TRUTH for yourself. Because the truth is all that other “stuff” is not the truth. You are PERFECT just how you are!!!

Last but not least… stick with it! Your ego will start telling you all kinds of things because it is being threatened and doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself. By sticking with it and being determined, you will squash your ego and create that new reality for yourself.

By Kathryn Kirkwood

Conversely, when you are not feeling particularly connected, it’s likely you can be easily distracted, un-engaged and even bored with whatever the event, conversation or person you are involved with in the moment. If you find yourself in that experience, and you want it to be different, it’s time to view your inner and outer connections.

Universal laws show us that the outer connections are really only a symptom of our inner connections. That is, our world is a reflection of what’s happening inside us. Our satisfaction with our relationships, opportunities, finances, home, etc. have a direct correlation to how we are feeling about them, focusing on them and working with our intuition in creating them.

So the most important inner connection we can have is the one with ourselves through our intuition. Remember, intuition is a quiet inner voice – it won’t shout to be heard, judge your choices or stop your free will in acting in the physical world. Intuition is what’s waiting and always accessible to help you handle your world.

So, how do we know we’re connecting with our intuition? Look around yourself right now. See what’s happening in your world – this may take courage – but really look at what you’ve created in your body, significant other, friends, home, and beyond. If you like what you see, you are working with your intuition. And if not, it’s time to introduce yourself to, and connect with, your inner guide.

By Lynn M. Scheurell

By Matt Kramer

1. How have we each changed since the wedding?

2. What are your expectations of me as your spouse? Of those expectations,which are being fulfilled and which are not?

3. What do you need for each of you to feel safe in the relationship? What makes you feel unsafe in a relationship?

4. Are you comfortable with total and complete honesty? How can we discuss potentially uncomfortable subjects?€ If I disagree with your point of view, will you judge me?
€ Do you feel judged by me when I do not agree with you? If my behavior disappoints you or does not live up to your expectations, how will you let me know?€ Is there such a thing as being too honest?

5. How do we handle critical issues that we prioritize differently?

By Matt Kramer

When my girlfriend would become angry my immediate reaction was to defend myself.  My mind would start to beginning trying to find reasons why it wasn’t my fault.  I would go into my head and a process of insulation would occur while I planned my response.  My body seemed to lock up and what arguments that I could present were never that powerful.   A friend suggested that I try to let down my defenses when someone attacks you.  Ultimately no one can really hurt you with aggressions.

If we look at our selves from the perspective within our soul is someone who is truly expanded in an infinite great way no one can really harm that within.  Yes that may physically hurt your body or bruise your ego but the spirit within you can never be damaged.  All of us have this kind of greatness deep within us as our core being.  So why allow yourself to be the effect of someone else’s anger.   The next time that my girlfriend became angry I was fortunate enough to remember what my friend said.  I stopped my calculating mind from reacting.  I paid attention to what my body habitually around aggressive people.  I perceived an energy like a wall that was around me that was build in reacting to her.  I simply asked my body to let the wall down.  Immediately the defensive energy dissipated.  Next I sat and listened to my girlfriend express her anger towards me.  My mind was not plotting my rebuttle but focused on her.  I listened but what I heard was beyond my own personal references, I heard her feelings beyond the story she was expressing,  her fears and insights of how they came to be and her pain.  I was actually listening with my heart and not my head.

When I finally spoke it from a different perspective.  I said,  “It sounds like you are in a lot of pain with this?”    She felt heard and suddenly a potential argument was transformed to us being on the same side.   It was a huge lesson for me.  It showed me how my own defensive posturing shut so much out of my life.  I could be aware of and receive so much more.

There are three aspects.  It begins as a cognitive recognition that you wish to let down your defenses.  In addition, to tell your body to let down your defenses in each stressful situation.  Secondly pay attention to the sensations in your body.  When your defenses go up you may feel the focus go straight up into your head and/or your body tense in some way.  When we let our defenses down the focus goes out of our head into a more relaxed whole body awareness.  We are more open in perceiving our environment.  Thirdly feel the energy around, outside your body.  When I ask my body to let down my defenses I perceive the space surrounding my body get lighter.

As a experiment,  think of an experience or situation that is stressful.  Pay attention of the sensations that occur inside of you and surrounding you.  This gives you an ideal of where you tense, how your mind feels when defensive and see if you can be aware of the sensations outside of your body.  This gives you an ideal of what you experience in real stressful situations.  Of course it is probably more intense in the present moment of the conflict.  Then simply ask your defenses to come down, relax your mind and allow the body to follow.  Practicing can be very helpful if you have difficulty feeling your body processes.   When we fall into those conflicts when our defenses go up those situations most likely has occurred many times before.  We have trained our body to go into fight or flight.  It takes real presence in yourself to begin to break the habit.   Reliving old conflicts or requesting your body to do it differently may be a good way to begin reorienting ourselves.

I like to live my life in the non-defensive perspective.  It is supporting the reality that I am truly infinite and nothing can truly hurt me so I do not need to defensive systems to protect me.  The thing about defensiveness is that it is an automatic system that turns on to begin a chain reaction of events that narrows us into a thinking and attacking mentality.   It diverts us from being aware of what is really going on in a situation.  We stop listening with our heart and begin thinking in a defensive reaction.  A good practice is to let down our defenses where ever we go.  You will enjoy the relaxed posture instead of the stress that others exists in.  The more that we stay non-defensive we find that we receive more.  Obviously so because the defensive barriers that we create also do not let other energies inside of us.

Everything on the planet emanates some kind of energy so we are not receiving all of what we can have.  We are disconnecting ourselves by being defensive.  When we do open ourselves we see our generous the world really is which opens us to the same state of being.   When our inner world exists in a dialouge of resentments, anger, anxiety, guilt, etc… we are creating a defensive barrier around us in some shape or form.  These are more sophisticated areas to begin resolving.    Freedom to receive more in life begins with the willingness to do it differently.

By Bart Sharp

Thich Nhat Hanh talks about these ideas in a poignant way. He tells the story of a man who had to leave his pregnant wife to go to war. He meets his child for the first time when he comes home three years later. After much rejoicing, his wife goes to market leaving father and child alone to get to know each other.

The child speaks to his father formally, calling him Father. His father replies, “Call me Papa.” “You’re not my Papa. Mama talks to Papa every night. Sometimes she cries.When she sits down, he sits down. When she lays down, he lays down.”

Hearing this, the father grows cold and angry. What he presumes is shocking to him and he doesn’t know what to do about it. When his wife comes home, he doesn’t say anything to her. She can tell that something is wrong and that it must have something to do with her but she doesn’t know what to say or do in the face of his cold, oppressive anger. After a silent dinner the father goes out to a bar and doesn’t come home until morning. This behavior goes on for three days; neither talks to the other. After the third day, the mother can’t take the pressure any more, she throws herself into the river and drowns.

After things are settled and father and child are alone again, the father builds a fire. As he sits in front of the flickering flames, his child points to the father’s shadow on the wall and says, “There’s Papa! That’s who Mama talks to. Sometimes she cries. When she sits down, he sits down; when she lays down, he lays down.” The father realized that while he was
gone, his wife spoke to him through her own shadow. All along his presumptions were wrong but he never asked his wife to find out. And, while she knew something was wrong, she never knew how to ask her husband how she had fueled his anger and withdrawal from her.

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that when you are in pain or in trouble, the first person to go to should be your mate. He offers a simple three-part program to deal with these issues.

1. Acknowledge your relationship: “I love you.”
2. Say what is happening: “I am suffering and I don’t know what to do.”
3. If there is anyone in the world you should be able to go to for help, it should be your mate. Say: “I need your help.”

It bears repeating that the quality of a relationship is not measured only by the good times. The greater measure is how the couple maintains perspective and respect for each other and works together through the hard times. You might feel that you shouldn’t burden your spouse with your problems but in a strong relationship, problems are not a burden, they are the challenges through which you learn more about each other and, in solving them together, your relationship grows stronger. It doesn’t show weakness to ask for help, it shows respect for the love you profess for each other.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and author, who was exiled from his native land for his pacifist views. I heard him tell this story in the summer of 1997 in a sold-out concert hall in Santa Monica, CA.

By Matt Kramer

It is important for busy, stressed people to realize that if your stress continues and your adrenal glands continue to produce cortisol every day, your memory will start to fail and deteriorate. Your ability to perform intellectually and stay on task will also decline.

A report by Newcomer at al (1999, Archive of General Psychiatry, 56, 527-533) shows that high cortisol levels, the stress hormone, interferes with verbal declarative memory. The subjects were asked to listen and recall parts of a prose paragraph. The study involved three groups:

1. High-steroid group – Subjects were given 160 mg of cortisol/day for 4 days. These levels are similar to a person experiencing a major stress, such as abdominal surgery

2. Low-steroid group – Subjects were given 40 mg/day for 4 days. This is the level seen in people experiencing minor physical stress such as the removal of stitches.

3. Placebo group – sugar tablets each day for 4 days.

The subjects were asked to recall a paragraph read to them. The high steroid group was the only group unable to recite any parts of the paragraph, nor could they summarize it. They had progressive disruption and decline in memory. These effects were not permanent, their performance returned to normal after they stopped taking the hormone.

So yes, in fact, stress will make you stupid!

The Pilates reformer is by far the most well-known and popular piece of equipment in the Pilates system. In addition to the mat, the reformer exercises are a main part of the Pilates regimen in a studio setting. The reformer is extremely versatile, providing detailed resistance to help establish precision and flow.  Ultimately the reformer is intended to train and strengthen the body in preparation for mat work. Below are a just few of the fundamental movements one can do own the reformer to gain strength and flexibility.

Frog

This reformer exercise helps to develop pelvic-lumbar stabilization and to strengthen the hip adductors.  Usually performed on just 2 springs, the lighter resistance causes the smaller muscles to work to stabilize the carriage while moving. Inhale.  Lie supine with the spine in a neutral position. Place the feet in the straps and bend the knees out to the sides, with the hips externally rotated. Softly flex the feet and press the heels together.

Exhale. Straighten the legs on a diagonal line at a 45 degree angle to the carriage. Inhale.

Bend the knees and return to the starting position. Be sure to stabilize the pelvic throughout the exercise and avoid bringing the knees to close to the chest, which cause the tailbone to lift.

Arm Circles

This exercise strengthens the elbow extensors, strengthens the triceps and develops trunk and scapula stabilization. The spring setting may vary according to strength, but 2 springs are usually ideal. Inhale. Lie supine on the reformer with a neutral spine and the knees and hips in a tabletop position.  Hold the arms out to the sides in a T position, keeping the shoulders stable and placing the hands in the straps. Maintain slight tension in the straps, with the palms facing the sides of the body. Exhale. Adduct the arms and gently press them against the sides of the body. Internally rotate the arms so that the palms face the carriage. Inhale. Lift the arms up to a position perpendicular to the carriage.  Return the arms to the starting T position.

Breaststroke Prep

This exercise is performed on the Pilates long box, which is placed on the carriage of the reformer. The long box provides a wide base of support and only one spring is used for light resistance. The Breaststroke Prep strengthens the back extensors, develops scapula stabilization and abdominal control.  Inhale.  Lie prone on the long box facing the foot bar, with the sternum at the front edge. Place the hands on the foot bar, shoulder-width apart. Direct the elbows out to the side and keep the body horizontal with the back extensors and hip extensors engaged. Exhale. Straighten the arms while elongating the entire body, moving horizontally. Alternately, you can extend the trunk into a moderate arch before inhaling and returning to the starting position.

Lauren

Being that every job I’ve ever had has been working with children, of course I love them.

I think to be a really effective teacher it has to go far beyond that however. Everyone has heard all the rhetoric about how children are our future and inherit the Earth etc. I know some of this can become borderline cheesy but most of it holds true.

While sitting in a conference hall recently doing teacher training for my TX teaching certificate,   I found it surreal that all 299 people sitting around me were writing down notes that read, “be respectful”, “be on time”, and “learn the children’s names”.

Were they kidding? This is what it takes to be a teacher? In my own time (about a decade) I figured that out. However one day in training they did mention favorite teachers. I thought back to my dreaded school career and four came to mind, what did they have about them that made them grand?

I come from a highly emotional family (on my dad’s side). Everything (I do mean everything) makes my dad, sister and I tear up! Proud, happy, sad, funny moments, you get the idea. That’s what I love so much about teaching. A shared laugh, a goal reached, a mountain climbed. Teaching truly is about the emotional awards.

My love for the arts was nourished from many different people in my life from when I was just a tot. However some teachers destroyed parts of the things I loved little by little. That is one of the reasons why I became a teacher. I truly love to pass on my love for the arts onto others. I have been told that I am sincerely gifted at that. I know I am blessed to have found my place.

For those other 299 people in the room training with me, I would love to ask: Is this your calling and how will you become grand?

For being a teacher to a group of young minds truly is a privilege. This is an honor to be taken on as a responsibility to nurture their growth and life path.