In many of my meditations one or both of the parties told me how they felt blindsided by things that their partners said or did. Usually the offending party felt just as blindsided by the reactions to their words or deeds (or lack thereof). Given that our culture glorifies the adventure of getting into relationship more than it provides healthy information about
building relationships, it is not surprising that people find themselves unprepared when conflict rises.
The best tool for handling conflict when it arises is good communication. Good communication begins with good questions. For example, a couple intent on improving their marriage might ask themselves the following questions:
1. How have we each changed since the wedding?
2. What are your expectations of me as your spouse? Of those expectations,which are being fulfilled and which are not?
3. What do you need for each of you to feel safe in the relationship? What makes you feel unsafe in a relationship?
4. Are you comfortable with total and complete honesty? How can we discuss potentially uncomfortable subjects? If I disagree with your point of view, will you judge me?
Do you feel judged by me when I do not agree with you? If my behavior disappoints you or does not live up to your expectations, how will you let me know? Is there such a thing as being too honest?
5. How do we handle critical issues that we prioritize differently?
By Matt Kramer
Tags: Wellness