Hill Country Fitness Blog

Remember cooking with grandma? Remember the moments shared in the kitchen.. weather it be cooking or eating? Remember sitting down as a family for dinner and talking about the day? These are memories carried throughout life. In today’s world, sometimes time can get away from us thus letting these moments pass us by.

It’s times like these that are bonding, cherished, shared, educational and forever remembered. Ensure these times are always around. Make a goal to cook or bake with loved ones… weather it be friends or family. Learn from one another, laugh with one another and most importantly… enjoy the time with one another and bond.

Make a goal as a family to have home sit down meals, without television, phones or any other interruptions. Start with two meals a week. Ask about each others day? Share memories of when ones day reminds you of a past day. Over time you may notice the relationship strengthen.

Take time for family as well as friends. You may realize just how great these relationships can be and are.

Intuition is that quiet, powerful inner knowing of your truths. Connection is a relationship to a larger whole. By definition, they are the same. That is, intuition is your inner connection to a larger truth, and connection is your intuitive relationship to a bigger picture.

Conversely, when you are not feeling particularly connected, it’s likely you can be easily distracted, un-engaged and even bored with whatever the event, conversation or person you are involved with in the moment. If you find yourself in that experience, and you want it to be different, it’s time to view your inner and outer connections.

Universal laws show us that the outer connections are really only a symptom of our inner connections. That is, our world is a reflection of what’s happening inside us. Our satisfaction with our relationships, opportunities, finances, home, etc. have a direct correlation to how we are feeling about them, focusing on them and working with our intuition in creating them.

So the most important inner connection we can have is the one with ourselves through our intuition. Remember, intuition is a quiet inner voice – it won’t shout to be heard, judge your choices or stop your free will in acting in the physical world. Intuition is what’s waiting and always accessible to help you handle your world.

So, how do we know we’re connecting with our intuition? Look around yourself right now. See what’s happening in your world – this may take courage – but really look at what you’ve created in your body, significant other, friends, home, and beyond. If you like what you see, you are working with your intuition. And if not, it’s time to introduce yourself to, and connect with, your inner guide.

By Lynn M. Scheurell

This exercise often provides valuable insight and revelation to couples who think they know each other.Very important: use this exercise not to judge but to exchange information,which will help you better understand each other.Prior to conducting this exercise, we suggest that each of you separately write a list of the things that attract you to the other. Then make a list of the things about which you have some reservations.Pick a quiet, private time to sit down together. Share the things that attract you to each other.  If possible, explain why they are attractive.Then, share the things about which you have some reservations. Explain why they concern you. You may want to discuss ways to handle these issues if they come up. They will come up. For example, one of my personal issues is that I do not like to be interrupted. When using this Attraction/Reservation exercise, I would tell a woman with whom I was involved that I have a reservation because I feel uncomfortable when she interrupts me.

In one instance, I was having mixed feelings by our fourth date and used the Attraction/Reservation exercise to help me determine whether or not to invest more time in the relationship. The woman’s response was,  “Why are you being so sensitive? It’s not a big deal.”From that response, I determined that it was likely this person would continue to discount my feelings and it was not a good idea to pursue the relationship. On a more positive note, one girlfriend explained, “Oh, I didn’t know that bothered you, I’ll try to be more conscious about not interrupting you.”

In another relationship, the woman’s response was, “I know I interrupt and that it bothers people. I’m trying to be more conscious about not interrupting. Just let me know when I’m doing it and I’ll stop.” In the latter cases, a discussion provided an opportunity to share concerns and create solutions. When you have revealed your concerns and reservations, and your partner has acknowledged and respected them, you will find that these issues will not weigh on you as heavily as they do when they are suppressed or avoided.

By Matt Kramer

In many of my meditations one or both of the parties told me how they felt blindsided by things that their partners said or did. Usually the offending party felt just as blindsided by the reactions to their words or deeds (or lack thereof). Given that our culture glorifies the adventure of getting into relationship more than it provides healthy information about
building relationships, it is not surprising that people find themselves unprepared when conflict rises.

The best tool for handling conflict when it arises is good communication. Good communication begins with good questions. For example, a couple intent on improving their marriage might ask themselves the following questions:

1. How have we each changed since the wedding?

2. What are your expectations of me as your spouse? Of those expectations,which are being fulfilled and which are not?

3. What do you need for each of you to feel safe in the relationship? What makes you feel unsafe in a relationship?

4. Are you comfortable with total and complete honesty? How can we discuss potentially uncomfortable subjects?€ If I disagree with your point of view, will you judge me?
€ Do you feel judged by me when I do not agree with you? If my behavior disappoints you or does not live up to your expectations, how will you let me know?€ Is there such a thing as being too honest?

5. How do we handle critical issues that we prioritize differently?

By Matt Kramer

I was once in relationship with a woman who was quick to become angry and would often verbally confront me with the anger.  It was often for the smallest of reasons.  Although I cared for this person it was painful relating in such an aggressive way.  Of course I would not have attracted such a person in my life if I did not wish to resolve this within me.

When my girlfriend would become angry my immediate reaction was to defend myself.  My mind would start to beginning trying to find reasons why it wasn’t my fault.  I would go into my head and a process of insulation would occur while I planned my response.  My body seemed to lock up and what arguments that I could present were never that powerful.   A friend suggested that I try to let down my defenses when someone attacks you.  Ultimately no one can really hurt you with aggressions.

If we look at our selves from the perspective within our soul is someone who is truly expanded in an infinite great way no one can really harm that within.  Yes that may physically hurt your body or bruise your ego but the spirit within you can never be damaged.  All of us have this kind of greatness deep within us as our core being.  So why allow yourself to be the effect of someone else’s anger.   The next time that my girlfriend became angry I was fortunate enough to remember what my friend said.  I stopped my calculating mind from reacting.  I paid attention to what my body habitually around aggressive people.  I perceived an energy like a wall that was around me that was build in reacting to her.  I simply asked my body to let the wall down.  Immediately the defensive energy dissipated.  Next I sat and listened to my girlfriend express her anger towards me.  My mind was not plotting my rebuttle but focused on her.  I listened but what I heard was beyond my own personal references, I heard her feelings beyond the story she was expressing,  her fears and insights of how they came to be and her pain.  I was actually listening with my heart and not my head.

When I finally spoke it from a different perspective.  I said,  “It sounds like you are in a lot of pain with this?”    She felt heard and suddenly a potential argument was transformed to us being on the same side.   It was a huge lesson for me.  It showed me how my own defensive posturing shut so much out of my life.  I could be aware of and receive so much more.

There are three aspects.  It begins as a cognitive recognition that you wish to let down your defenses.  In addition, to tell your body to let down your defenses in each stressful situation.  Secondly pay attention to the sensations in your body.  When your defenses go up you may feel the focus go straight up into your head and/or your body tense in some way.  When we let our defenses down the focus goes out of our head into a more relaxed whole body awareness.  We are more open in perceiving our environment.  Thirdly feel the energy around, outside your body.  When I ask my body to let down my defenses I perceive the space surrounding my body get lighter.

As a experiment,  think of an experience or situation that is stressful.  Pay attention of the sensations that occur inside of you and surrounding you.  This gives you an ideal of where you tense, how your mind feels when defensive and see if you can be aware of the sensations outside of your body.  This gives you an ideal of what you experience in real stressful situations.  Of course it is probably more intense in the present moment of the conflict.  Then simply ask your defenses to come down, relax your mind and allow the body to follow.  Practicing can be very helpful if you have difficulty feeling your body processes.   When we fall into those conflicts when our defenses go up those situations most likely has occurred many times before.  We have trained our body to go into fight or flight.  It takes real presence in yourself to begin to break the habit.   Reliving old conflicts or requesting your body to do it differently may be a good way to begin reorienting ourselves.

I like to live my life in the non-defensive perspective.  It is supporting the reality that I am truly infinite and nothing can truly hurt me so I do not need to defensive systems to protect me.  The thing about defensiveness is that it is an automatic system that turns on to begin a chain reaction of events that narrows us into a thinking and attacking mentality.   It diverts us from being aware of what is really going on in a situation.  We stop listening with our heart and begin thinking in a defensive reaction.  A good practice is to let down our defenses where ever we go.  You will enjoy the relaxed posture instead of the stress that others exists in.  The more that we stay non-defensive we find that we receive more.  Obviously so because the defensive barriers that we create also do not let other energies inside of us.

Everything on the planet emanates some kind of energy so we are not receiving all of what we can have.  We are disconnecting ourselves by being defensive.  When we do open ourselves we see our generous the world really is which opens us to the same state of being.   When our inner world exists in a dialouge of resentments, anger, anxiety, guilt, etc… we are creating a defensive barrier around us in some shape or form.  These are more sophisticated areas to begin resolving.    Freedom to receive more in life begins with the willingness to do it differently.

By Bart Sharp

What does it mean to feel safe in a relationship? What can and should you be able to ask of your mate without fear of judgment or retribution?

Thich Nhat Hanh talks about these ideas in a poignant way. He tells the story of a man who had to leave his pregnant wife to go to war. He meets his child for the first time when he comes home three years later. After much rejoicing, his wife goes to market leaving father and child alone to get to know each other.

The child speaks to his father formally, calling him Father. His father replies, “Call me Papa.” “You’re not my Papa. Mama talks to Papa every night. Sometimes she cries.When she sits down, he sits down. When she lays down, he lays down.”

Hearing this, the father grows cold and angry. What he presumes is shocking to him and he doesn’t know what to do about it. When his wife comes home, he doesn’t say anything to her. She can tell that something is wrong and that it must have something to do with her but she doesn’t know what to say or do in the face of his cold, oppressive anger. After a silent dinner the father goes out to a bar and doesn’t come home until morning. This behavior goes on for three days; neither talks to the other. After the third day, the mother can’t take the pressure any more, she throws herself into the river and drowns.

After things are settled and father and child are alone again, the father builds a fire. As he sits in front of the flickering flames, his child points to the father’s shadow on the wall and says, “There’s Papa! That’s who Mama talks to. Sometimes she cries. When she sits down, he sits down; when she lays down, he lays down.” The father realized that while he was
gone, his wife spoke to him through her own shadow. All along his presumptions were wrong but he never asked his wife to find out. And, while she knew something was wrong, she never knew how to ask her husband how she had fueled his anger and withdrawal from her.

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that when you are in pain or in trouble, the first person to go to should be your mate. He offers a simple three-part program to deal with these issues.

1. Acknowledge your relationship: “I love you.”
2. Say what is happening: “I am suffering and I don’t know what to do.”
3. If there is anyone in the world you should be able to go to for help, it should be your mate. Say: “I need your help.”

It bears repeating that the quality of a relationship is not measured only by the good times. The greater measure is how the couple maintains perspective and respect for each other and works together through the hard times. You might feel that you shouldn’t burden your spouse with your problems but in a strong relationship, problems are not a burden, they are the challenges through which you learn more about each other and, in solving them together, your relationship grows stronger. It doesn’t show weakness to ask for help, it shows respect for the love you profess for each other.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and author, who was exiled from his native land for his pacifist views. I heard him tell this story in the summer of 1997 in a sold-out concert hall in Santa Monica, CA.

By Matt Kramer